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“Scientists Confirm: Monday Mornings Are Indeed Allergic to Human Happiness”
“Breaking News: Coffee Shortage Averted After Beans Negotiate Better Working Conditions”
“Local Cat Elected Mayor After Promising Nap Time for All Citizens”
“Weather Update: Clouds Taking Day Off, Sun Working Double Shift”
“Study Shows 90% of Socks Disappear to Start New Lives as Cleaning Rags”